Hyrule Reunion
by Sheikagal
Summary: An AU inspired by the Greek Gods. What happens when Din decides to get the entire family back together, against Nayru's wishes? Chaos. Complete and utter chaos, but what else could be expected with an alcoholic goddess, forbidden relationships, devious plots, narcissistic males, a troubled marriage, and crossdressers all brought together. Rated T for chapters to come. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Legend Of Zelda. If I did, I'd be able to pay for college and not have to live in ghetto apartments.**

"Din, I swear, this is a terrible idea." Nayru insisted.

"Nonsense Nayru. We haven't seen the children all together in ages." Din countered. "It's not often that everyone is available at the same time. It's usually that someone's alive, or busy with a battle. We may even keep peace in the land below if we can keep them here."

"It was for a good reason that we keep them apart, and don't gather them here." Nayru stated sagely. "Sister, you must agree with me." She looked pointedly at Farore.

"Don't bring me into this! I refuse to be involved!" The third sister looked guiltily at Nayru. "I don't want to be the mediator here."

Nayru stared at her sister for a moment, realizing what had happened. "You did not already send out invitations." Nayru glared at her sisters, deducing what they had already done. "Don't bother telling me that you didn't. I'm smart enough to tell that you already did."

"I miss having the kids together, okay!" Farore looked up. "I–well, we can handle whatever trouble comes here, and this is a place of peace."

"Just remember that I was against this!" Nayru called to her sisters as she stormed from the room. "I refuse to be involved whatsoever."

"Chill sis." Din looked over at Farore; who was starting to look like she regretted her decision, as she spoke. "We have it all worked out. Nothing-well, nothing major will go wrong."

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Deep in the darkest and gloomiest caves of the place that was a close as Hyrule could come to Hell, a figure of darkness began to stir as he saw a letter drop into the mail slot that he had paid a Re-dead to install in the cave wall. Struggling under the chains that held him down he reached for the letter, carefully opening it, and as he read it he began to laugh maniacally, unable to controll himself for several minutes due to the utter evilness of the plan that had begun to form in his mind, but once he did he called out into the dimly lit cavern.

"Boys! Boys!" He roared. "We're going home!"

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Hours later, in a small shop hidden in the backwoods of Termina, a salesman approached his home, returning from a journey. To his surprise there was a letter on his doorstep, addressed to his wife and himself, but when he saw the return address he groaned.

"Honey, we're home!" He removed the mask that he had married from his pack, her frantic eyes glaring at him.

"You idiot, you shouldn't have put me in that bag! I deserve more than that as a child of the Goddesses–"

"Oh hush." He set his pack down, hanging up a few masks before he looked back at her. "There's a letter from them."

"They had better be writing to apologize! I swear, I won't stand for this anymore! I want my real body back!"

"Well, you might be in luck, even if it's only for a while." He spoke as he read the letter, then set it down before his wife. "It looks like we have an invitation to visit your family."

Majora didn't miss the emphasis her husband had placed on the word "your", but she let it slip as she read the letter he set in front of her.

"We're going." She said. "I want to walk around, and maybe if I'm good they'll give me my body back for longer."

"I wouldn't mind that." The Mask salesman smiled at her creepily.

"Shut up, you." The Mask glared at him.

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In a secluded corner of the sacred realm two figures emerged from a glowing portal, the female smiling happily as her companion helped her across the glowing threshold back to her temporary home.

"That was by far our best trip yet." She smiled at him, and he kept hold of her hand, looking into her eyes.

"It was. I just wish I didn't have to go home." Her companion replied.

"I can talk to my sisters, and ask if they'll let you stay here with me if you want me to." She replied, her blue eyes meeting his red as she took his other hand in hers.

"I couldn't ask you to do that." He smiled at her. "Besides, they'd probably just send me back down there and refuse to let us meet."

"You're right." She looked resigned. "I just wish I could help you."

"You are." He placed a kiss on her lips. "These visits keep me sane while I'm down there."

"Really?" She smiled at him, kissing him back, but they were interrupted by the sound of someone coughing.

They broke apart hurriedly, Hylia staring at the owl who was staring at them, unblinking.

"Kaepora!" She looked uncomfortable. "What are you doing here?"

"Your sisters sent me with a message."

"About what?" She turned to the man who stood at her side, keeping an eye on the owl. "You'd better go. I'll take care of this."

"You're sure you'll be fine?" His red eyes looked worried.

"Don't worry." She released his gray skinned hand as she created a portal to his home far below. "I'll call you!"

He waved goodbye to her, and Hylia turned back to the owl, who was examining her curiously.

"Do your sisters know about this?" The owl asked curiously.

"Not unless you tell them." Hylia looked at him pleadingly.

The owl shook his head cautiously. "I see no need to tell them, so long as you are prepared to face any consequences that might come about from your actions."

"You're not going to tell them?" Hylia looked at him, disbelieving.

"I'm not. It's none of my business. Now, if you'll take this letter, I need to be off. Your sisters have asked me to deliver some messages and I want to get them delivered today."

"Fine." Hylia took the letter from him, relieved. "I'll…see you around then!"

The owl disappeared into a portal of his own, leaving Hylia to open the letter, and as she read it the blood began to drain from her face. "You have got to be kidding me." She hurried to the kitchen of the small cottage where she lived between her lives, grabbing a bottle of wine from the cupboard, popping the cork out and pouring herself a glass. Her sisters had to be kidding. Last time they had tried something like this the resulting fight had nearly burned down Faron Woods, and they had only been saved by quick thinking on Nayru's part.

"That's it!" Hylia drained her wineglass, filling it again as she spoke to herself, coming to a decision. "I'm not going. They can't make me." She drained the glass again, staring sullenly at the bottle before taking a sip out of it, not bothering with her cup.

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The owl flew through the forest, hidden deep in Termina. The goddesses had sent him here, and he knew he would be safe, but he was still eager to be done with his work. Upon reaching the cave that they had told him of he entered it, flapping his wings carefully. His eyes spotted the mask that had been described, its red and blue markings standing out in the darkness. It was heavy, but not outrageously so. He exited the cave, flying quickly back to the portal back to the goddesses that they had created for him. He was done with his tasks, and he was glad of that. There were only two people—if they could even be called that—left to visit, and Din had agreed to deliver those invitations herself, something he was glad for. He had no desire to visit the one the two who she was going to, preferring to keep all of his feathers intact, and he doubted that the other would even acknowledge him, or Din, to be honest.

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Din stepped into the temple, the current resting place of the Master Sword. She knew she would be bending the rules doing this, but this would be the only way she could get Hylia to come. She approached the sword, sending a spark of power into it and watching as the blade came to life, the blue girl appearing before her.

"What are you doing here?" The swords voice was emotionless.

"Hylia requires your assistance." What Din said was true, so she didn't feel guilt about her slight fudging of the rules. True, she wasn't supposed to awake the blade, or even have that ability, but rules were made to be broken. It was for the best.

She finished giving the blade instructions, then left to the forest where the last of the family resided. She hadn't been sure about inviting him, but she had decided that it would be good to give him a second—no, was it the third—well, another chance. The family needed to talk over what had happened, and maybe they would be able to stop arguing over whose fault it all was. By Hyrule, she sounded like Nayru. Din cursed to herself. She couldn't let her sister hear her talking like that about him, or she would never hear the end of it.

She reached the sword that was embedded firmly in the ground, snapping her fingers to reappear in the foggy prison that was formed of a pocket universe, waiting for him to appear. She hadn't visited for years, as Nayru was the one who always wanted to visit their adopted son.

"Mother… If I can even call you that…" She heard his mocking voice as he appeared before her, materializing in the mist. "So nice of you to finally visit. Did Nayru make you come?"

"No." Din scowled at him. "I'm here with a proposition. Shut up and listen."

"Why?" He stared at her, his red eyes unblinking. "Why would you help me?"

"Because I might be able to get Nayru to shut up about you for once and how she should have helped you sooner if you'll just come."

"I'm listening."

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**A/N: I've been pondering on Greek and Norse mythology, and I was observing how easily Thor always forgave Loki, and it inspired me to write this, and this fandom needs more crackfics. I'll probably update soon. Probably. I'll also be explaining my twisted, crackish family relationships in the next part, and why exactly the Hero isn't present. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own none of the Video Game Franchises or characters mentioned.**

**PART 2 **

The decorations were up, and Din was waiting in the pocket universe that she had created with Farore's help, as Nayru was still refusing to help them. Her stubborn sister was sitting off to the side, refusing to meet her sister's eyes. Din would be setting up the portals momentarily, and she was excited. A mask sat on the picnic table beside her, and she picked it up, tossing it to Farore who swore as she caught it.

"Be careful!" Farore told Din as she tapped the mask, watching as a body grew from it till one of their sons stood before her.

He stood tall and proud, his white eyes meeting hers for a moment, looking inquiringly at her.

"Family reunion." Farore spoke quickly to him. "It's Din's idea.

The Fierce Deity nodded, looking bored as he crossed the grass to nod to Nayru, then sat down against a tree, watching the room carefully. Farore knew that he was undoubtedly scanning the area for escape route, possible threats, all of the things that she herself always searched for. He had always been the one of their children who she had identified with the most, but she knew that he was not someone to trifle with. He had been bound to the mask for a reason, one she knew that he understood, but that fact didn't lessen the danger anymore.

"Did you invite the light spirits?" Farore looked over to see Nayru acknowledging Din for the first time in days.

"Of course." Din rolled her eyes at her sister. "They refused my invitation though, something about a convention for spirits in another dimension."

"Oh." Nayru studied her sister skeptically. "And who else did you invite, exactly?"

Before Din could answer she heard her watch—a nice one she had picked up on a trip to earth—sound a beeping alarm, signaling that it was time for her to create the portals. "You'll see now."

Din created the first portal, hoping that Fi had been able to convince Hylia to come, and sure enough her younger sister staggered through the portal leaning on the sword, obviously drunk. Nayru strode over to Hylia and grabbed the wine bottle she held in her free hand, wrenching it free and tossing it away.

"Hylia! I thought I forbade you from drinking! You know that it isn't becoming of a goddess." Nayru began to berate the younger goddess who was swaying gently. "You aren't supposed to be using the portals for wasteful things like that!"

Din walked away from that portal after closing it, speaking conspiratorially to Farore as she did. "I'd be drinking too if I had to deal with Nayru nagging at me all the time."

"You do have to deal with that." Farore replied.

"Exactly." Din winked at Farore as she made the next portal, this one opening to a forest as the Happy Mask Salesman stepped through, Majora's complaints echoing across the portal.

"I swear, they'll all tremble before me! My time has finally come!" The Fierce Deity was at Din's side instantly, his sword drawn, glaring at her.

"Relax!" Din nudged him with her elbow, and he glared at her, refusing to lower his sword. "She's not going to get away with anything here."

The Fierce Deity did not move, staring the Happy Mask Salesman down as Majora's mask was pulled from the pack—complaining all the way.. The Mask Salesman—or Jeff, if you were on a first name basis with him—held out Majora to Din who touched the mask as Farore had touched the Fierce Deity's mask minutes earlier, watching as Majora's form grew, but Din had no intentions of letting her reach her true from. Instead she only allowed her to form into her human form, and angry red haired middle aged woman. Din knew this would upset her to no end, but there was no way that she was going to allow Majora to take any of her other forms, let alone her true form as a dragon. That would be foolish, even for a Goddess.

She ignored Majora's stream of complaints as the Happy Mask Salesman led her away from Din, Farore, and the Fierce Deity, trying to reason with her as he walked. Din didn't understand how her youngest daughter had ended up married to the Mask Salesman, let alone where the Mask Salesman had came from, but he seemed to be able to keep Majora's destruction to a minimum, and he had helped the goddesses in the past, so she couldn't complain about him.

Din had two more portals left to construct, so she moved on. She was saving her favorite son for last, so she would hurry and get this one open. Farore wouldn't be pleased with either of the two remaining guests, but Din couldn't help it if Farore's chosen was still alive and couldn't be brought here. She could hardly kill him off and bring him here, even if the hero who was still alive was old and senile. Hylia would undoubtedly by disappointed over his absence, but that couldn't be helped.

Din opened the second to last portal, mist pouring in from the prison where the sisters adopted son entered the pocket universe with the others, his purple hair shining in the light. There was an insane light in his red eyes, and he seemed to be appraising the situation, his eyes resting on Hylia, who was still being berated by Nayru.

"Mothers." He greeted Din and Farore, the later of who was glaring at him. "Thank you for your invitation."

"You slimy good for nothing—" Farore began, but Din elbowed her sister, interrupting her rant.

"You're welcome." Din nodded graciously, watching him carefully as he began to meander towards Hylia.

"You should not have invited him." Farore, who was usually the calmer of the two siblings looked furious. "He should still be in his prison."

"Think of it this way." Din met her sister's eyes. "So long as he is here, no one can free him from the sword, and the world below will be free from his influence"

"Fine, but I don't like it." Farore didn't look appeased. "I just wish that we could have the Hero here."

"I can send some Guerdo to kill him if you want me to." Din offered "They he can come here."

"No!" Farore spoke angrily. 'I suppose that it'll be fine."

"Well," Din began honestly, "If you didn't want Vaati here then I doubt you'll be happy about this." With those words the final portal swung open to show a darkness so deep that not even Mario on fire mushrooms would be able to light up, and Din's (sometimes) favorite son stepped out into the pocket universe, followed by his two companions, an ambiguously gay sword demon and the Hero's darker half.

"No. Just no." Farore gestured wildly from beside Din as Demise carefully embraced Din and nodded to Farore. "He is going straight back to where he came from."

"Farore, it's just for a few days, relax." Din's eyes seemed to be pleading with her sister.

"If you'll excuse us for a moment-" Farore began, grabbing Din's arm.

"Of course," Demise replied, his eyes burning like the fires of hell.

"Listen." Farore began. "You didn't say you would be bringing the Demon King here. If he gets out—"

"Thus why we went with the pocket universe. We're the only ones who can make the portals out, with Nayru and Hylia, so they can't leave without us. The world below is safer with them here."

"I just don't like it!" Farore glanced at their family. Majora was talking frantically with Demise, and Vaati of all people was sitting next to Hylia, as he glared at Ghirahim who was staring Hylia down. There always was the possibility that he wasn't gay, but she doubted it from the way he acted. It seemed far more likely that he was planning murder her. Dark Link was looking at some of mask that the Happy Mask Salesman was excitedly showing him, and Fi was standing behind the princess, oblivious to the fact that the Fierce Deity was examining her appreciatively from the side. Kaepora—Ashunera knows why he was here, or even how he even came—was flying overhead. Farore looked back at Din. "They were never supposed to meet, let alone all together like this!"

"Where's Nayru?" Din ignored Farore, looking for her other sister.

"What—Why would I know?" Farore said. "She probably left. You know she was against this."

"She'll be back." Din said, her voice sure.

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"Vaati, y' need to be carefull." Hylia glared at him drunkenly. "If Nayru notices—"

"Relax. They won't be noticing me. They seem to be busy arguing." Vaati glared at Ghirahim again, daring the demon to come closer. What he wouldn't give just to wrap his hands around the other demon's neck, to feel his immortal flesh—

His train of thought was interrupted as Hylia lay her head on his shoulder, the smell of alcohol on her breath making him want to gag.

"Goddesses, Hylia, why were you drinking?" Vaati spoke, disgusted.

"Because I can, silly." She smilled up at him, and Vaati knew that he wouldn't get a straight answer out of her till she was sober. "You know what?"

"What?" He asked, embarrassed about her drunkenness and how she would react later when she remembered what she'd said.

"Link says you're a psychopath." She squinted at him.

"So?" He asked her coldly. "How do you even know that word? It's not of Hyrule."

"So that means that you're my psyco-rwhatchamacallit." Her voice was proud, and Vaati glanced up at the sword—Fi—as Zelda had drunkenly told him, and the sword seemed to be looking at him disapprovingly. "And Link told me 'bout it."

"Yes, yes I am." Vaati knew he was using her, and didn't feel the least bit guilty for using it. He was attracted to her, and had finally managed to marry her in her past life, so they were technically spouses. Zelda (as Hylia) she had sought him out after she had been killed by a darknut and he had been sealed away by the hero, and they had dated since. She would use the portals she could create to take him to another world where they would eat a strange delicacy that was known as "Froyo" to the denizens of that land. He enjoyed it, and he had managed not to kill anyone in that world. Hylia seemed to think that he was reforming, and this might make it easier for him to take over when he returned to Hyrule and was able to escape.

She also had nice skin. Vaati liked how it looked, smooth as porcelain, unblemished. If only he could just wrap his hands around her neck and then—

As Vaati's mind trailed off into violent daydreams Nayru approached them, having reentered the pocket universe, a steaming goblet in her hand, glaring at Vaati.

"Hylia. Come with me."

"But it's so nice here…." The goddess lazily touched Vaati's hair, and he twitched, and Nayru lost her patience, grabbing her sister's arm.

"Hylia, you are coming with me, now. Fi, follow us." Nayru led them away from the others, and once they passed behind a tree she handed the Hylia the goblet. "Drink this."

Hylia took the goblet, drinking it quickly. "That wasn't so ba-" She broke off mid word, retching into a bush. "What was that for?" She gasped.

"To get the alcohol out of your system."

"I hate you."

"You know you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." Hylia rasped, her anger surprising Nayru. "You try living and dying, over and over again, going through the horrors that I do." She grabbed her sister's shoulders. "I know that Vaati's just going to try to kill me, but he pretends to at least care, and what does it even matter either way what he does in the end?"

Nayru was stunned by Hylia's outburst. "What do you mean?"

"This isn't about Vaati?" Hylia wiped vomit from her lips as she released Nayru. "It doesn't matter. I might as well tell you what I go through, every time I live again. I'm the princess, my kingdom gets destroyed, some monster comes after me, Link saves me, about half the time he succeeds, and when he doesn't I go through hell for those people, and half of that time they end up executing me themselves. I can't remember it all when I'm there, as Zelda, but I can't handle it here anymore." Hylia stood up straight, refusing to take Nayru's proffered arm. "That's why I drink." She smiled sarcastically. "Nothing else makes the pain go away."

Hylia left Nayru, allowing Fi to help her back to the others where she sat down by Vaati once more ignoring her sisters stares, and after Nayru returned, the whispers. Vaati was absentmindedly stroking her arm, and Hylia didn't move to stop him as she leaned on him again, staring down at the ground.

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"Why did you have to go and argue with her now?" Farore glared at Nayru. "She isn't safe with him, and you know that!"

"She knows." Nayru looked sorrowful. "She just doesn't care."

"Well, this phase will pass," Din began knowingly, "She hasn't went through a rebellious phase yet, so this is bound to be it."

"No." Nayru spoke quietly. "She doesn't care what he'll do."

"She needs to talk to the Hero." Farore replied. "He'd talk her out of whatever she's doing."

"Except he's alive still," Din added teasingly, "And Farore won't let me kill him."

"Din..." Farore said warningly.

"Fine." Din glared at her sister. "It's not like he can do anything while we're all here, anyway. Once this is all over we can send her to visit Palutena or Impa—someone like that to keep her busy and talk some sense into her. Stop worrying!"

"I suppose you're right about him not being able to do anything here." Nayru relented. "Just hurry and get this all over with. I want to get them all back where they belong as soon as possible."

"Good." Din said, smiling strangely. "I used that google thing—you know, the one they use on earth? And I found some activities for us. You'd be surprised just how many games there are for things like this."

**A/N: I'll try to focus on different characters each chapter. This one was a bit to serious for my taste, but we'll see where it leads. I do NOT endorse alcoholism. I never drink, and never will personally. Thanks to SammySpartan for the follow and NoXVZhuusox for the favorite. **


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